Open Session

Becoming a better parent through open discussion of parenting issues

Evening to night to morning. May 19, 2012

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family — aprilgrant @ 12:58 am

We first went to the doctor yesterday at about 11 am. We then went to the hospital about 4. We have been transferred to another hospital.

B has been poked and prodded, stuck at least a dozen times in her arms, legs and two other places I don’t care to mention. She’s cried, a lot. She has started turning her head when those with familiar shrubs come around. She seeks my comfort, she opens her arms wide, only for me to hold them down.

We’ve been.told her electrolytes were off. Here, I thought it was a word Gatorade made up to sell sugar water PLUS. Her potassium is high, her sodium is low. She’s receiving fluids, antibiotics and things that her poo.

It got to the point that I had to walk out. I just wanted to cuss everyone out and take my baby home.

They are running tests every few hours. More prodding and poking to come. She’s finally resting, she has another six hours of peace. My husband is in a chair, leaning on her bed. I’m on a pull out, writing this blog while I pump.

I’m so tired. I’ve cried many times today. I don’t get it. I play by the rules, stay out of trouble. My family doesn’t have any history of pretty much anything but high blood pressure and diabetes because we’re fat. Neither of which I suffered from during my pregnancy. And I’m not diabetic.

Lots of questions. Only superficial answers so far. In the morning, I’m told we’ll know more. It’s 1:17 in the morning, so I guess they meant later. ūüė¶

 

These days are long May 18, 2012

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family,General — aprilgrant @ 1:09 pm

Years after losing one child, my husband and I decided to have another child. I had to wait for depression to subside, build up confidence in my child rearing ability and come to terms that it wasn’t my fault.

Then there’s today. My daughter is five months old. By happenstance, I took her to the doctor for a health check, only to find out she had lost weight. Only a month after the previous appointment, she had lost a few ounces. For adults, we’d complain that it wasn’t enough. For her, its a huge problem.

After consulting the doctor, who said she’s clinically healthy, and a lactation consultant, who said that I need to almost double my calorie intake, I returned to the doctor a week later, only to find out she’s still losing.

Went back this morning and she lost again! So, this time she didn’t get off so easy. They took blood. Do you know how rare that is? You know how hard it is to do? Do you know how hard it is to watch?

Unfortunately I do, and not just from todays experience. It’s awful. It’s painful. Your child hurts and you can’t do anything to help. Not only can you not help, but you have to assist in hurting them by holding them down so it doesn’t hurt worse.

And do you know they give a urine test to a baby? That, I found out today. I won’t describe it to you. It sucks too.

My heart is breaking. Only one healthy child out of 3… I mean, she may be perfectly healthy. But how do you reconcile the problems when you have this asshole who has the audacity to father 30 children! In 2009, he only had (hahaha “only”) 21 children. He fathered 9 children in the last 3 years, twice having 4 children in one year. I don’t wish anyone harm, especially children. I’m sure most, if not all, of his kids are in perfect health.

It’s times like these where I question the existence of God. I know I shouldn’t, but what more can I do. I tithe, I regularly attend church, I’m married, I have a decent prayer life, I take care of my family, my husband is the head of my household… I could go on and on. I do sin, but we’re humans, we all do. We can’t be perfect, it’s impossible, but I do work towards it.

I’m now rambling, so I’ll go now. I’ll just say that I’m sad and this sucks.

 

Downward Spiral May 8, 2012

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family,Mothering — aprilgrant @ 10:52 pm

I started out the day strong, very strong until I have to finish this email which was meant to be encouraging. The point of the email was that you will get through it. You will get through all the pain.

But in order to talk about how to get through it, I had to relive it. Relive the hurt, the sadness, the pain, the tears. I love my life. It’s better than I could ever have imagined. But it still hurts. And unfortunately when it hurts, I drink. Thankfully not crazily, but definitely in excess.

And right now it hurts. In three short weeks he would’ve been five. We would’ve thrown a huge party for him because that’s just what we do. I miss him.

 

Teacher and Staff Appreciation

Filed under: Children — aprilgrant @ 10:22 pm

I volunteered to be the co-chair of the Teacher and Staff Appreciation 2012. I took this opportunity to be more involved in school. Of course, I don’t quite know what I got myself into. Although I’ve completed everything asked of me thus far, it’s something that should be taken seriously. We were given slightly over a month to complete the task, but really it should be a nice three month project.

Why?

To give everything to the teachers that they deserve. No matter what kind of school that your child goes to, the teachers are underpaid and overworked. Teaching to the test has become the standard and individuality has gone out the window for most of the less adept teachers. I don’t blame them because they are being torn in many different directions from the outset.

We were asked to create a week’s worth of things for the students to do to show their appreciation and order and cater a lunch. I thought that wasn’t enough. Of course, it wasn’t anyone else’s responsibility, but the chair and myself wanted to at least try to get a bit more.

Unfamiliar with the requirements to request donations, we were too late for most of the chains and were able to obtain some from local businesses. So far, so good.

I did want to show off this little invitation that I made based on the one that I saw over here.

I really love crafts, but normally don’t have time to do them and I really don’t have time to do them right.

I hope this inspires you to do a little bit more for your teachers this week. Give them a token of your appreciation. If every parent pitches in, it’ll be perfect.

 

She looks like… April 9, 2012

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family — aprilgrant @ 12:55 pm

I hear it almost daily. I’m not sure what to say. I mean, I agree with them. My daughter looks like my husband.

I guess it’s to fill in voids in conversation. Or maybe it’s to let me know that they are looking at my child and they can see the resemblance.

I’d respond with something snarky like “Thank God! I don’t have to tell my husband about the affair, ” but I think coming from me, too many people would think that I was serious. If you’ve been reading for a while, you’d know I don’t joke much.

But back to the original topic. I know she favors my husband. I’m happy she does. I married someone whom I found attractive. I normally point out what I see of me in her (and in my son for that matter), but she and my son look the same at 3 months.

I think I’ve only mentioned it to someone else once because of a lull in the conversation. But please tell me why this is something to talk about? I don’t want a mini-me, so I don’t really care who she looks like…

 

 

Scared Shitless April 5, 2012

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family — aprilgrant @ 3:23 pm

The infamous saying that ignorance is bliss is highly relevant here. I had my son 8 years ago. I never inquired, I never questioned, I never researched. I lived with my mother who had raised three children and at the same time was raising her own child.

I knew very little about SIDS. I’ll be honest. I figured that SIDS was what happened when you did stupid things around your child. Leaving loose items or fluffy items in the crib. Mainly because I don’t know anyone who’s died from SIDS. I still don’t.

But this time around, having an infant is hard. I’m scared to put her on her stomach, but she hates sleeping on her back. She’ll do it at night (probably because she’s¬†exhausted¬†during the day). But she¬†doesn’t¬†take naps during the day, or if she does, it’s 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there. What that ends up meaning is by the time my son is home from school, she’s absolutely miserable. She’s exhausted, irritated and overall not that fun to be around. She wants to be held and does NOT want to be put down (she’ll tolerate a diaper change).

That’s really an aside. What this post is about is my fear of my daughter dying of SIDS. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be fearful, but after already losing a child, it’s hard to even wanting to take that chance. I have many friends who say “screw it. My son/daughter doesn’t sleep on his back, I put him/her on their stomach.”

I admire them. They do it with ease. Their kids sleep through the day – for 1-3 hour naps. Their kids are on a schedule. Mine… doesn’t.

But she had to get some sleep! Yesterday we had a rough day because I drank too much coffee on Tuesday. She was up all night, frustrated and whatnot. So she didn’t sleep yesterday almost at all, except in my arms. Last night, she slept fine, but today was a new day. She needed to get some rest.

I laid her on her tummy… checking on her every five minutes. I was scared. I was also worried because the constant checking could wake her up too. She¬†had to get some sleep. She was exhausted. Over the last couple of days her sleeping has been very light.

So, I guess it’s running back and forth for me, constantly worrying that she’s stopped breathing in order for her to get a few extra winks.

Ignorance IS bliss.

 

TSA Waste March 17, 2012

Filed under: Family — aprilgrant @ 9:23 am

TSA Waste
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