Open Session

Becoming a better parent through open discussion of parenting issues

These days are long May 18, 2012

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family,General — aprilgrant @ 1:09 pm

Years after losing one child, my husband and I decided to have another child. I had to wait for depression to subside, build up confidence in my child rearing ability and come to terms that it wasn’t my fault.

Then there’s today. My daughter is five months old. By happenstance, I took her to the doctor for a health check, only to find out she had lost weight. Only a month after the previous appointment, she had lost a few ounces. For adults, we’d complain that it wasn’t enough. For her, its a huge problem.

After consulting the doctor, who said she’s clinically healthy, and a lactation consultant, who said that I need to almost double my calorie intake, I returned to the doctor a week later, only to find out she’s still losing.

Went back this morning and she lost again! So, this time she didn’t get off so easy. They took blood. Do you know how rare that is? You know how hard it is to do? Do you know how hard it is to watch?

Unfortunately I do, and not just from todays experience. It’s awful. It’s painful. Your child hurts and you can’t do anything to help. Not only can you not help, but you have to assist in hurting them by holding them down so it doesn’t hurt worse.

And do you know they give a urine test to a baby? That, I found out today. I won’t describe it to you. It sucks too.

My heart is breaking. Only one healthy child out of 3… I mean, she may be perfectly healthy. But how do you reconcile the problems when you have this asshole who has the audacity to father 30 children! In 2009, he only had (hahaha “only”) 21 children. He fathered 9 children in the last 3 years, twice having 4 children in one year. I don’t wish anyone harm, especially children. I’m sure most, if not all, of his kids are in perfect health.

It’s times like these where I question the existence of God. I know I shouldn’t, but what more can I do. I tithe, I regularly attend church, I’m married, I have a decent prayer life, I take care of my family, my husband is the head of my household… I could go on and on. I do sin, but we’re humans, we all do. We can’t be perfect, it’s impossible, but I do work towards it.

I’m now rambling, so I’ll go now. I’ll just say that I’m sad and this sucks.


Christmas Day December 26, 2011

Filed under: Christmas,Family,General — aprilgrant @ 2:31 pm

Such a wonderful day. My son’s eyes open with merriment and excitement. My sister (the same age as my son) is happily opening similar gifts. Because of their age proximity, they receive a lot of the same things.

The tree, that has been on for almost everyday since we put lights on, shines in the background. I wish it was cold. Although we are in So Cal, we can have cold Christmases. This year, not so lucky. A lukewarm 65 degrees on Christmas morning.

It was delayed because my mother went to second service, and didn’t return home until 11. Then it was rushed because my sister’s father had called to meet to give his daughter her Christmas present. Unwrapping took about 30 minutes, then everyone left for a couple of hours.

My son and husband played catch in the backyard with brand new gloves and a ball. I relaxed because, let’s be honest, I did just have a baby and still on pain meds. My head spins sometimes from lightheadedness. It was nice to have a quick evacuation of the house. I could spend time with my own family, just for a little bit.

Upon their return (mom, sisters and brother who all left to go eat breakfast), my mom and the little kids made a rice Krispies igloo. Sugar-filled and overly sweet.

My mother broke a dish. Then something happened that never did before. She apologized and showed me the dish she broke. Now this is something obvious in most families. It’s not normal in mine. Over the years, my mother specifically has used my things up, broken them, given them away, an when asked, completely denies she knows what happened to them. She would deny until she saw that I didn’t give up on asking, then say something like ‘oh, that broke long time ago’. As if that would make me feel better. It may have, if I didn’t spend a week or two trying to find it and think that I was going crazy when I couldn’t find it. So this was HUGE! She may have really changed.

She actually seemed semi-remorseful. I love the dish, but there’s nothing I can do after the fact. The apology was enough.

Then my uncle had a family dinner. I couldn’t get a clear answer on how many others would be there or who would be there, and normally I don’t care, but with a brand new newborn, I didn’t want to have too many people around or be running upstairs to tend to the baby every few seconds. So we didn’t go. My sister, who was planning on grabbing a plate then leaving, stayed until late for many hours.

She sent me a text around 5 and said I should come, but that would’ve required a shower and hair done. A good hour or two to get ready, then a half an hour drive, just didn’t seem worth it.

So, hubby and I finished up the night watching Tree of Life, Hall Pass and the last installment of Pirates. It was a great day!


Daily Writing November 19, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,General,NaBloPoMo — aprilgrant @ 1:35 pm

Funny enough, content is not the problem for me to write everyday. I have plenty on my mind, very little to do with parenting, but doing it every day is so much.

Reading others’ blogs, they have hubbys and others to keep them and remind them to do that. I don’t. I’m not even sure mine knows. I don’t think I’ve told him. Things have been busy for both of us. He’s working like crazy, trying to finish projects before the baby comes.

Truth is I’m pretty lonely. He’s been working hard and a lot. We haven’t has a real discussion in a long time. And intimacy has sucked majorly. I don’t know what to do. I don’t really want to talk to him about it because I think it adds more pressure.

Oh well.


Holiday Shopping November 13, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,Family,General — aprilgrant @ 9:01 am

It’s amazing how the older you get, the quicker the holidays seem to roll in and together. Thanksgiving is literally two weeks away and that means that Black Friday is coming.  Last year, I “did” Black Friday from the comfort of a hotel room. Amazon had some excellent deals online. I’m not sure whether I plan on going out this year. Being 38 weeks pregnant by then, it sounds like an overwhelming feat, especially for someone who hates shopping in the first place.

Even if you aren’t going out on Black Friday, but plan to shop, everyone has a budget worth considering – whether it’s $5 or $5,000. Pay attention to what you’re spending and be cautious. Best thing to do is to prepare now and check out this site: Living Well, Spending Less. Check it out! Let me know what you think.


Veterans’ Day – 11-11-11 November 11, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,General,NaBloPoMo — aprilgrant @ 9:51 am

Don’t you love the numbers that lie before us 11-11-11? Besides being completely and utterly grateful that men and women choose to give their lives for mine – where the cost can be the ultimate price of their life – I want to acknowledge and share the history of this actual day.

World War I – known at the time as “The Great War” – officially ended when the Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919, in the Palace of Versailles outside the town of Versailles, France. However, fighting ceased seven months earlier when an armistice, or temporary cessation of hostilities, between the Allied nations and Germany went into effect on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. For that reason, November 11, 1918, is generally regarded as the end of “the war to end all wars.”

Soldiers of the 353rd Infantry near a church at Stenay, Meuse in France.

Soldiers of the 353rd Infantry near a church at Stenay, Meuse in France, wait for the end of hostilities.  This photo was taken at 10:58 a.m., on November 11, 1918, two minutes before the armistice ending World War I went into effect

In November 1919, President Wilson proclaimed November 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day with the following words: “To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…”

The original concept for the celebration was for a day observed with parades and public meetings and a brief suspension of business beginning at 11:00 a.m.

The United States Congress officially recognized the end of World War I when it passed a concurrent resolution on June 4, 1926, with these words:

Whereas the 11th of November 1918, marked the cessation of the most destructive, sanguinary, and far reaching war in human annals and the resumption by the people of the United States of peaceful relations with other nations, which we hope may never again be severed, and

Whereas it is fitting that the recurring anniversary of this date should be commemorated with thanksgiving and prayer and exercises designed to perpetuate peace through good will and mutual understanding between nations; and

Whereas the legislatures of twenty-seven of our States have already declared November 11 to be a legal holiday: Therefore be it Resolved by the Senate (the House of Representatives concurring), that the President of the United States is requested to issue a proclamation calling upon the officials to display the flag of the United States on all Government buildings on November 11 and inviting the people of the United States to observe the day in schools and churches, or other suitable places, with appropriate ceremonies of friendly relations with all other peoples.

An Act (52 Stat. 351; 5 U. S. Code, Sec. 87a) approved May 13, 1938, made the 11th of November in each year a legal holiday—a day to be dedicated to the cause of world peace and to be thereafter celebrated and known as “Armistice Day.” Armistice Day was primarily a day set aside to honor veterans of World War I, but in 1954, after World War II had required the greatest mobilization of soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen in the Nation’s history; after American forces had fought aggression in Korea, the 83rd Congress, at the urging of the veterans service organizations, amended the Act of 1938 by striking out the word “Armistice” and inserting in its place the word “Veterans.” With the approval of this legislation (Public Law 380) on June 1, 1954, November 11th became a day to honor American veterans of all wars.

Later that same year, on October 8th, President Dwight D. Eisenhower issued the first “Veterans Day Proclamation” which stated: “In order to insure proper and widespread observance of this anniversary, all veterans, all veterans’ organizations, and the entire citizenry will wish to join hands in the common purpose. Toward this end, I am designating the Administrator of Veterans’ Affairs as Chairman of a Veterans Day National Committee, which shall include such other persons as the Chairman may select, and which will coordinate at the national level necessary planning for the observance. I am also requesting the heads of all departments and agencies of the Executive branch of the Government to assist the National Committee in every way possible.”

President Eisenhower signing HR7786, changing Armistice Day to Veterans Day.

President Eisenhower signing HR7786, changing Armistice Day to Veterans Day. From left: Alvin J. King, Wayne Richards, Arthur J. Connell, John T. Nation, Edward Rees, Richard L. Trombla, Howard W. Watts 

On that same day, President Eisenhower sent a letter to the Honorable Harvey V. Higley, Administrator of Veterans’ Affairs (VA), designating him as Chairman of the Veterans Day National Committee.

In 1958, the White House advised VA’s General Counsel that the 1954 designation of the VA Administrator as Chairman of the Veterans Day National Committee applied to all subsequent VA Administrators. Since March 1989 when VA was elevated to a cabinet level department, the Secretary of Veterans Affairs has served as the committee’s chairman.

The Uniform Holiday Bill (Public Law 90-363 (82 Stat. 250)) was signed on June 28, 1968, and was intended to ensure three-day weekends for Federal employees by celebrating four national holidays on Mondays: Washington’s Birthday, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Columbus Day. It was thought that these extended weekends would encourage travel, recreational and cultural activities and stimulate greater industrial and commercial production. Many states did not agree with this decision and continued to celebrate the holidays on their original dates.

The first Veterans Day under the new law was observed with much confusion on October 25, 1971. It was quite apparent that the commemoration of this day was a matter of historic and patriotic significance to a great number of our citizens, and so on September 20th, 1975, President Gerald R. Ford signed Public Law 94-97 (89 Stat. 479), which returned the annual observance of Veterans Day to its original date of November 11, beginning in 1978. This action supported the desires of the overwhelming majority of state legislatures, all major veterans service organizations and the American people.

Veterans Day continues to be observed on November 11, regardless of what day of the week on which it falls. The restoration of the observance of Veterans Day to November 11 not only preserves the historical significance of the date, but helps focus attention on the important purpose of Veterans Day: A celebration to honor America’s veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.

Whether you believe that we should be engaged in war, or you hate the idea of of killing others, even in the sake of good, their sacrifice save you and your family the need to send all but one male in your family to potentially give their life. Take the opportunity today to thank a soldier. She or he deserves it!


I Don’t Shave November 10, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,General — aprilgrant @ 11:06 am

“Don’t” is a strong word, but rarely is definitely true. My hair grows very slow. I really don’t see the point. My husband doesn’t care if the hair on my legs grows. Plus, if I let it grow past stubble, it’s quite soft.

The only time I do shave is when I’m getting dressed up to go somewhere special. I love to have that polished look on “date night”. And shaving does provide that.

The other thing is that I have natural bumps on my legs. They aren’t rough, but they are there, and they are all over my legs. It’s not a condition of any sort, but there’s really no way to get rid of them. They are very small and not really noticable except for when you touch them. For me, I guess I feel like this is my rationale for not shaving – “I wouldn’t have smooth legs anyway”. Oh well, I have a husband who loves me for me (Thank GOD).

(I do shave under my arms and whatnot, just not my legs regularly.)

What do you do or not do that is a faux pas?


I’ve Never… November 9, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,General — aprilgrant @ 10:36 am

Received this idea from Katie at Sluiter Nation. I started with her list to get my drive going. But out of the 20 things she’s never done, I’ve only “never” done eight of them. I feel so naughty, considering myself pretty straight and narrow.

I’ve never…
  1. traveled to Canada or Mexico.
  2. done any illegal drug (other than mary jane, although I wasn’t fond of that experience)
  3. gone bungee jumping
  4. broken a bone
  5. owned a pet of any kind
  6. felt ok about the way I look in a bikini
  7. had a surprise party thrown for me
  8. gone scuba diving
  9. blackmailed someone
  10. been caught drinking and driving
  11. been sky diving
  12. hit on someone else while on a date or flirted with someone else other than my date
  13. shaved my head
  14. lusted over a friend’s dad or family member
  15. gone surfing
  16. been taken by ambulance to the hospital
  17. been involved in a march or protest of any kind
  18. rode a motorcycle
  19. smuggled something into or out of the country
  20. been cheated on (to my knowledge)

So tell me…have you done anything on this list?  Post your own “I Never…” lists and post back here!  Thanks.