Open Session

Becoming a better parent through open discussion of parenting issues

My Thanksgiving November 28, 2011

Filed under: Family,Holidays — aprilgrant @ 12:55 pm

Overall, I would have to say that my Thanksgiving was pretty awesome! Yep, I said it – Awesome! For the first time in my life, I hosted. Why would I host for the first time when I’m eight and a half months pregnant? No idea.

But it had to be the best one I’ve had for a while. It was relaxing, people talked, joked, remembered, loved and laughed. People shared their lives and their experiences. People who are normally closed off had a lot to say and it was great.

Food was great. Semi-potluck style. I like it that way no matter where I go because people can bring their best dish. And it guarantees that everyone eats something, even if it’s just their own dish. But no worries, food was devoured. The first ten minutes after serving was nearly silent.

What surprised me most was the desire of most people to sit at the kitchen table to eat. I’ve only been to one other Thanksgiving where we ate at the table together. Only downside was the table was meant for six and about 10 people sat at the table. But it was nice. Everyone came in good spirits and seemed to enjoy themselves.

All except one family member. This particular person was the only one not to come to me as they entered. Damn, that sounds like I feel I’m special. I don’t and I’m not. It’s just that upon entry, every single other adult walked in and walked to me. Greeted me. Most said don’t stand. All said don’t come, I’ll come to you. Except this person.

This person walked in and walked to the living room, waiting to be greeted herself. She didn’t say hello. I noticed she came in, then noticed that I didn’t see her until I came partially out of the kitchen. I’m not sure if she was just angry or expected as the elder of the group to be greeted.

Then she took a phone call in the middle of prayer, while we were blessing the food. I’m not sure if she’s a believer and I don’t care, I just don’t understand how you talk during the prayer. It’s about 30 seconds long and you should shut your trap. A simple ‘Hold on’ to the person would’ve been sufficient, but I guess it was too much for her.

Finally, as everyone was departing, everyone this time approaching me to say their goodbyes, she stood near the door. Why come if you can’t be gracious to the host? It wouldn’t have been so bad if while she was standing by the door and everyone said ‘don’t stand’ and came to give me a hug, while she watched, said nothing.

The entry I could brush off to many other excuses, but the departure, I just don’t get. Do you have a family member like this? One who clearly is stepping to the side, but would never dream of just not attending? Although it would seem less awkward or rude?


Thankful for… November 27, 2011

Filed under: Blogging — aprilgrant @ 12:21 pm

Guess I didn’t get very far for my thankful list. Partially it was because I am thankful for a lot of little things in my life, the bigger things tend to get lost. What I mean is that family, in the general sense, isn’t what I’m most thankful for. I’m thankful for those close to me, but I could really do without the others. Sad, I know.

The older I get the more I want people I like around me, not just people that I know who are around because someone married someone or they were born. And I don’t like everyone. I can tolerate most people, but do people want to be tolerated?

What do you think? Am I too harsh on family members and relatives? Should I suck it up? What do you do?


My thoughts on Christmas… November 22, 2011

Filed under: Family — aprilgrant @ 11:51 am

This started to be a response to a posting over at Yeah. Good Times.

I love Christmas – especially through my son’s eyes. I remember his first Christmas where I just wrapped up boxes and he loved opening them and loved playing with them. I love sitting in front of the fire, watching movies talking with my immediate family (yeah, just my husband). I love the gift giving, not because I don’t believe that my husband doesn’t love me, but actually taking the time to get me something from his own heart is the best thing ever. He gets very busy and sometimes needs a reminder to show it (birthdays, V-day, Christmas).

I hate lists… I want to see what you think of me, not as a competition, but I want it straight from your heart. I want a thoughtful gift, not an expensive gift. And sometimes, it comes out harsh because I get crap. I don’t mean like just a bad gift, I mean like, that gift that you only pick up because it’s by the door and you said “oops, I forgot her, I should get her something”. If that’s the most you think of me, don’t get anything. It hurts less.

I was watching Suze Orman and she had a segment on “What did you get for Christmas last year?” and a lot of people didn’t know. I know exactly what I got. My son knows exactly what he got. The same for my husband.  Why? Because we got thoughtful gifts, gifts that we knew the other person would like and appreciate. We didn’t spend a lot. All of the gifts have been used over and over again. None of them ended up in the back of any closet. I consider myself lucky.

This is a complete aside, but related.  I actually hate it when atheists or agnostics say they hate Christmas – WalMart’s profit margins have nothing to do with the spirit of Christmas, neither are gifts for that matter. Or trees, or pretty much anything that Christmas has become except having “Christ” in the name. The December date was chosen because of the winter solstice and Christians were trying to co-opt the pagan celebration because Jesus wasn’t born in December to get more people to become Christian.

Anyway… this ended up being WAY longer than I anticipated. But I totally get it. I just hope there are some good things that you can pull out to not feel so much animosity towards a day meant for family.


I’m thankful for… Day 2 November 21, 2011

Filed under: Children,Family — aprilgrant @ 5:09 pm

My son. He is an awesome little person, but some times he’s so much like me, it’s completely frustrating. But let me tell you all about why I love and am thankful for him.

My son is:
Intelligent and questioning
And more…

What are you thankful for?


A week of thanks…. Day 1 November 20, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,Family,Husband — aprilgrant @ 11:27 pm

I am thankful for my husband. I can talk about all day what he’s not, but what he is is a kind, loving man who will go out of his way to please me. We haven’t been talking a lot lately because he’s been busy and I’ve been whining, but I know he tries to get things done.

Things I love about my husband:
Intelligent, but not condescending
Warm (most of the time)
Comes home every night, happily
Gives me my space
No wandering eyes
Occasional laundry folder
Occasional dish washer
Video game player for the sake of our son

Thats all I can think of now. What are you thankful for? Who are you thankful for?


Daily Writing November 19, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,General,NaBloPoMo — aprilgrant @ 1:35 pm

Funny enough, content is not the problem for me to write everyday. I have plenty on my mind, very little to do with parenting, but doing it every day is so much.

Reading others’ blogs, they have hubbys and others to keep them and remind them to do that. I don’t. I’m not even sure mine knows. I don’t think I’ve told him. Things have been busy for both of us. He’s working like crazy, trying to finish projects before the baby comes.

Truth is I’m pretty lonely. He’s been working hard and a lot. We haven’t has a real discussion in a long time. And intimacy has sucked majorly. I don’t know what to do. I don’t really want to talk to him about it because I think it adds more pressure.

Oh well.


The biggest worry is… November 18, 2011

Filed under: Blogging,Children,Family,Mothering — aprilgrant @ 1:20 pm

Starting over. I don’t know how to be ready for it. My older child is independent, can do a lot of things on his own. From making breakfast, to making his bed, with prompting, he does a lot on his own.

But going back to changing diapers, and waking up in the middle of the night, it’s overwhelming. Of course at 36 weeks, there’s no turning back.

Any tips on readjusting? Is it any different the second time around?